


Finding My Way To You

by CarrieMcNugget



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:39:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarrieMcNugget/pseuds/CarrieMcNugget
Summary: Kate returns from Devon to find everything as she left it. She's determined to try and move on with her life but will Rana let her?There will be angst, there will be fluff(y gilets), join me on my return to the writing world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Been a long time since I've written anything, may be a little rusty!  
> Potential future chapters will be longer but obviously only if you guys think it's worth continuing :)

The trees whizzed past the window as Kate made her way back to Weatherfield. Two weeks in Devon had allowed her to clear her head and given her time to reflect on the choices she had made in the last few months. Not that falling for Rana had been a choice. It hadn’t been a conscious decision. It had been there, unspoken, in the jokes they shared; the boxsets watched, the almost daily hour-long phone calls about nothing, until finally it was brought to the surface with an unsolicited kiss. But what followed, the sneaking around and the constant lies, those had been choices. Choices that Kate never thought she would have ever made. Kate Connor was quite a self-aware person, she knew she had a temper and a tendency to lash out at those closest to her but she had always prided herself on her honesty. When they were younger Aiden would never confide in her when he misbehaved because he knew the minute she was questioned by their father she would crumble under the guilt. 

Which is exactly what had happened here, she thought as she saw a sign welcoming her to Manchester. The guilt of what she was doing to Zeedan, what she was asking of Rana, kissing Sophie, all of it had gotten on top of her and she crumbled and ran. Hidden out in the safety of Carla’s house in Devon and ignored all calls from her brother, sister, father…and Rana. Those had been the hardest calls to reject. In the first week up to ten a day, spaced out between shifts at work and once at 4am when Kate could only assume she was completely drunk. There had been voicemails too that Kate had only listened to one of before swiftly realising hearing Rana’s voice was too hard. 

_‘Kate it’s me, please…please call me. I need to speak to you. I…I don’t know what to do without…just…please call me’_

The car turned onto the familiar cobbled streets and Kate felt her gut wrench as she saw places forever tainted by her memories of Rana. The bench where Rana had once laced their fingers together in an act of public intimacy that Kate had held onto for weeks, hoping it suggested a shift in their relationship. The corner shop where Kate had bought roses in order to pluck their petals and scatter them on the Bistro table to create a romantic date. The side alley they had snuck off to after a few too many at the Rovers when they were feeling bold and reckless, kisses becoming more passionate until the sound of distant voices made them spring apart.

Kate shook her head as if that physical act could erase the memories. She had to be strong and stick to her plan. She loved Rana, she knew that, but she wasn’t built for sneaking around. Somewhere in the back of her mind she hoped these two weeks of silence would have kicked Rana into gear, made her realise that they couldn’t carry on like they had been. Maybe she had already left Zeedan. Not come out, Kate realised after their talk at the pub when the food van had broken down that Rana being open about her sexuality to her family was something far more daunting than anything Kate had experienced. But if the cheating aspect of their secret love affair was replaced with simply hiding then she could live with that. Not for anybody else, she thought with a wry smile, but for Rana. 

Leaving her bags in the car for the time being, Kate parked and wandered down the street. It was strange to be back, even though it had only been two weeks, it felt like a lifetime. She saw Eva walking on the opposite side of the road and gave her an absentminded wave. Getting her phone out of her pocket and scrolling down contacts she braced herself when she got to ‘R’ and prepared to make the call. Suddenly a voice interrupted her thoughts.

‘Kate! Hey Kate!’ Zeedan sounded surprised as he jogged up to her and pulled her into a rough hug ‘Where’ve you been mate? Carla said summat about a Devon emergency but then you didn’t answer your phone’

Kate felt sick at how pleased he was to see her. Before she could answer he continued ‘Rana’s been missing you like mad. She won’t admit it but she’s been all out of sorts since you been gone.’ Kate coughed awkwardly as her heart beat double time at just the sound of Rana’s name.

‘Yeah sorry, there was a plumbing situation in Devon and Carla needed to be here so…’ Kate trailed off, very aware it was a lame excuse. Luckily Zeedan was only half listening as he wheeled round and called his wife’s name. Kate felt her breathing speed up and her palms begin to sweat as Rana appeared in the doorway of a shop, clutching a shopping bag in one hand and her phone in the other, only paying attention to the latter.

‘Zee! Stop bellowing, people will be able to hear you from halfway down the –’ she stopped as she looked up and locked eyes with Kate. They both heard Zeedan mutter something like ‘told you she was moody’ but neither paid him any attention. 

Seeing the way Zeedan beamed at Rana told Kate all she needed to know in regard to the status of their relationship. She hadn’t left him. Of course she hadn’t, it had been a fool’s hope to think she might have. There was nothing for it then, it would have to be just friendship, as it had been at the beginning. Kate took a deep breath in and faked the biggest smile she could.

‘Rana hi!’ she exclaimed, her voice a couple of octaves higher than it normally was. She coughed and tried to steady her tone ‘great to see you, how are you?’

Rana looked like a deer caught in headlights, her eyes were wide as she walked slowly up to join her husband and erstwhile lover in the street. It only took a handful of seconds for her to compose herself, but her smile didn’t meet her eyes.  
‘Hey babe, how was Devon?’

The conversation was stilted and felt phony to both women but thankfully Zeedan was oblivious. Halfway through Kate rambling about the beautiful wildlife in Devon _(was that really her talking about specific wading birds? Jesus)_ Rana interrupted 

‘Zee, I’ve just realised I forgot to get milk. I promised your gran we’d pick some up, would you mind…’ she gestured back to the shop she had just exited. Zeedan rolled his eyes playfully at Kate tapped her arm saying  
‘Great to have you back, we’ll have to do a night out soon yeah?’ as he walked towards grocers without waiting for an answer. 

Initially there was silence as he left until both women began to speak at once;  
‘So the great thing about the Curlew is that –’  
‘Kate it’s so good to see y–’  
An awkward silence hovered in the air again. Knowing she only had a couple of minutes before Zeedan reappeared Rana began again ‘I missed you’  
‘Don’t’ Kate replied shortly  
‘But I did’  
‘That’s not fair’  
‘You kissing Sophie and then leaving me crying in the street wasn’t fair’ Rana hissed. 

Keeping their voices low so as to not be overheard meant the two girls had stepped closer to each other. Kate could smell Rana’s perfume and it reminded her of stolen moments, tangled up together in the guest room of Michelle’s flat. ‘We need some time to properly talk’ Rana continued, looking around, always scared they were being listened to.

‘No Rana, we don’t. Look, you know how I feel about you but I can’t do this. Not anymore. Going away made me see things a whole lot clearer and as much as it kills me to say this; if you can’t leave Zeedan then what are we doing? Going in circles and hurting everyone. It’ll take some time but maybe at some point we can be mates’ 

Kate tried to ignore the devastation in Rana’s eyes, the way they glistened with held back tears. ‘I’ll see you around yeah?’ She finished as she turned and walked quickly away, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to one and all!  
> Just a quick A/N to say in this canon Luke is still alive. Enough drama without bringing in Phelan's mess!

Rana sat at home absentmindedly stirring her coffee and half listening to Zeedan as he discussed the latest café premises he had seen online. She smiled at him when he paused for breath and looked at her, hoping that it was enough of a response to whatever question he had asked. It was and he continued on. 

Seeing Kate return had been surprising but the taller girl’s reaction had been pretty much what Rana had expected from her. She was hurt. She was angry. Rana couldn’t blame her for any of that, it was understandable. She couldn’t even be mad at Kate’s kiss with Sophie. Not while she still spent every night lying fretfully beside Zeedan in their marital bed. But she had been mad. When she had first heard about it from Rosie she remembered the familiar burning hot jealousy snake round her stomach. Then, later that day when she had seen Sophie in the Bistro penning a letter, she had slid into the chair opposite her, sweetly inquiring what she was doing.

Rana winced slightly at this memory. She liked Sophie, she was a nice girl and had been through a lot, but jealousy had always caused Rana to act impulsively and the jealousy she felt over Kate, even at the start with Imogen, was beyond anything she knew how to deal with. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_‘What are you writing?’ Rana asked_

_‘Just a letter’ Sophie replied, scrunching up the paper she was currently using into a ball ‘dunno why though, it’s just a stupid idea Rosie put in me head’_

_‘Who’s it for?’_

_Sophie seemed to hesitate and Rana thought she saw slight suspicion in her eyes, after all Sophie had been present when Rana and Kate said goodbye and it hadn’t been the most platonic seeming interaction._

_‘Unless you don’t want to talk about it obviously’ Rana continued, looking around at the other customers in an attempt to act nonchalant._

_This seemed to reassure Sophie who leant in closer across the table to murmur lowly ‘It’s for Kate. In Devon. The other night we…well we kissed and now I don’t know what’s going on cause she’s left. We’ve always had a sort of thing you know? Even back when she was with Caz but…’ Sophie trailed off, running her hand through her hair in exasperation ‘I really like her and I’m pretty sure she likes me too but I don’t know what to flipping say’_

_Rana gave her a weak smile as she tried to process all this information. So it wasn’t just a drunken snog then? Sophie actually had feelings for Kate. Kate. Kate. Her name ran round Rana’s head like an athlete, she could feel anger erupting inside her but she managed to keep it in check. Sophie hadn’t done anything wrong she kept reminding herself internally but nonetheless she heard herself pushing further._

_‘So, what is it that makes you feel like you guys are well suited?’ She asked. It was a barbed question but luckily Sophie didn’t register the cutting undertones._

_‘We just get on so well, we’ve been friends for years. She’s beautiful obviously but she’s also funny and caring and –’_

_‘Yeah but what makes you think she likes you back?’ Rana interrupted quickly, not wanting to hear a list of things she already knew to be true._

_Sophie seemed taken aback by the question ‘Well I mean, we’ve kissed twice now’_

_‘Twice?’_

_‘Yeah back when she was engaged to that psycho we had a moment’_

_‘Okay but don’t you think that if something real had been there then something would have happened after that?’_

_Silence fell over the table. Later, Rana would kick herself for being so obvious but hearing about the first kiss, and knowing how much history Sophie shared with Kate was driving her crazy. She leant towards the other girl, putting on her best supportive smile._

_‘Look, I just don’t want you to get hurt. You know what good friends Kate and I are’ the word stung as it left her mouth ‘and I know for a fact she isn’t interested’_

_Rana saw Sophie’s entire posture change. She slumped back in her chair and sighed audibly._

_‘She said that?’_

_Actually Kate hadn’t really ever mentioned Sophie to Rana unless she was relevant to a story but Rana nodded. Smiling sadly she continued ‘Just that you’re not really her type and even though you’re a great friend she could never see anything more with you’_

_Rana was lying through her teeth but that was something she’d gotten particularly good at in the last few months so she barely registered the guilt as Sophie laughed hollowly to herself and gathered up the papers she had lying around the table._

_‘Thanks Rana, I should never had let Rosie talk me into thinking…doesn’t matter. Thanks’ Sophie said as she left, Rana could see tears glistening in her eyes._

_Rana stayed sitting at that table for a further ten minutes, staring at the salt shaker. Had she crossed a line? She willed herself to feel bad about it but all she could feel was relief that Kate, wherever she was, would not be receiving a love declaration letter in the post._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

That had been a week ago and Rana had put it out of her mind but now with Kate’s return she wondered once again if she had been too harsh. Finishing her coffee, she told Zeedan she was heading into work early and left, walking in the complete opposite direction of the Medical Centre. 

She had to speak to Kate, explain that she understood why she had left but she couldn’t leave Zee until he had at least actually got himself a café. She knew Zeedan, maybe more than she knew anyone, and her leaving would devastate him. Will devastate him. If he had something of his own, something he could focus his energies into then maybe the fallout wouldn’t be so bad. Truthfully, she was worried he would spiral into depression. He had a tendency to be moody and external factors had always played a large role in his mental wellbeing. 

Arriving at Kate’s flat, Rana realised she had no valid reason for being there if Alya or Luke opened the door. She pressed the flat number and heard the distant buzz. Kate picked up at the other end. ‘Hello?’

‘It’s me’

There was silence, a hesitation, then Rana heard the entry buzzer hum and she pushed the door open. The door was unlocked and slightly ajar when she arrived and she could see Kate standing by the sink. Rana stood by the front door frame with her brows furrowed, silently asking a question.

Kate understood ‘They’re both out’ she said quietly ‘early morning gym session before work’

Rana nodded and entered the flat. Now she was here there was an awkwardness, a tension that enveloped the room. She didn’t know what she was expecting but this was a conversation she had no idea how to begin. 

‘So…’ she began ‘fancy meeting you here.’ A lame joke, one that she knew would anger Kate. Being light-hearted in tense situations always annoyed her but that was better than the cold silence she was giving Rana now. 

Kate scoffed, irritated, ‘don’t do that. I know you do it on purpose’

Rana nodded, accepting being caught out. She put her handbag on the counter and moved towards Kate. She saw the other girl brace herself, inhale deeply and put her hand out palm facing outwards. Stopping Rana in her tracks.

‘Stop it’

‘Why?’

‘You know why!’

Standing a couple of feet apart in a pressure cooker of an apartment had both girls breathing heavily. 

‘Kate I’m sorry. I know I said I’d tell him’ Rana still didn’t like using Zeedan’s name with her lover ‘but, and trust me I know how pathetic this sounds, I need to wait for the right time’

‘Go on, tell me Rana, when exactly is the right time to tell your husband you’ve been fucking his friend?’ Kate snapped back. 

‘When he’s more settled! Not unemployed for example! Once he’s got his café sorted and he’ll have something to occupy his mind. It’s not about being unsure Kate’ Rana moved closer to Kate, trying to entwine their fingers. Kate looked to the side, unable to make eye contact. Rana carried on ‘I couldn’t be more sure. I know how I feel about you and about us I just…I need more time for him’

Kate dropped their hands, she had felt herself wavering for a split second and knew the physical contact wasn’t helping her resolve. 

‘Everything that is currently an issue; hurting Zeedan, upsetting Alya, your family finding out – those are always going to be issues. You’re no closer to finding _the right time_ than you were months ago. I can’t Rana’

Rana could feel Kate slipping away from her. She could envision in her head Kate finding another woman, being out and proud in the street while she opened up a business with her husband and popped out 2.5 kids. She panicked, her heartbeat racing, everything felt like it was closing in on her. 

She fixed Kate with an intense stare and moved purposefully towards her, closing the small gap there had been. She noticed Kate swallow and back further into the sink.

‘You want me though’

‘Rana…’

‘You do’ 

By this point Kate was as far into the counter as she could push herself and Rana was right in front of her. Rana fiddled with the drawstring on Kate’s hoodie and kept her voice at a low, raspy, whisper. 

‘I want you Kate, I’ve been wanting you since you left and now you’re here there are so many things…’ she trailed off seductively, looking up into the other girl’s eyes. 

There was a moment where it looked like Kate would crumble, her eyes shone darker and Rana could see the hunger deep in them but after a few seconds it was replaced with sadness as Kate pushed her away.

‘Go home Rana’ she said wearily ‘I’m not some guy you can just distract with sex. If you really wanted me like you say you do we wouldn’t even be in this situation’

‘Kate –’ 

‘I’m serious, leave’ 

Kate guided Rana to the door, remembering the last time when she had forcefully thrown the other girl out, more forcefully in fact than she had intended, so this time she tried to be gentler but equally as firm.

‘Kate, please, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to do that –’

‘Goodbye Rana’ Kate interrupted and closed the door. She heard Rana slump against it on the other side and had to return to her bedroom to avoid changing her mind. 

Rana held her tears in until she was out of the apartment building and halfway down the road. She had screwed up, tried to push things further in an attempt to get back to how things were. A loud sob escaped her and she entered a small alley to avoid being seen, once there she fell to the ground, her body shaking as the adrenaline felt in the apartment left her system. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Kate left the apartment once she was sure Rana was no longer outside the door. It was her day off and she needed to clear her head after the dramatics of the morning. She avoided going anywhere she thought either Rana or Zeedan could be so found herself just aimlessly wandering the residential streets. She had her head focussed on the ground when she noticed a pair of truly atrocious shoes. As she looked up she saw their owner Sophie looking at her quizzically.

‘Alright? Didn’t know you were back’ she said. Kate noticed something in her voice, it wasn’t its usual light, friendly tone, there was an edge to it, she sounded hurt. 

‘Yeah…look can we talk?’ Kate asked, knowing she had been unfair to kiss Sophie when she had. Both times in fact. She needed to explain herself and hopefully get her friend back.

 


End file.
